Forget brainstorming sexy ideas to change the world, have you noticed how much these days it’s a all about Blame Storming and boy are we Arabs, & Part Time Arabs great at it when we want to be!
Picture the scene…. A conversation starts over diner – a friend starts off loading the troubles of his/her day and how crap his/her boss/aunty/man on the bus/parent/child/ is. Notice who they hold accountable for there miseries. Are they themselves anywhere in the conversation? Or do you hear the fateful words “ X made me SO Angry, upset, hysterical’ as though X had some kind of super hold on them and poured the anger, upset , hysterical feeling all over them using a bucket with a paintbrush to get into all the nooks and crannys.
Now I am as guilty of it as the next man, so please don’t think I am absolving myself from adding my verbal 2 ps worth in blame culture as it is far easier to say that the reason Im far from healthy, stay up soo late and have bags under my eyes, smoke too much etc… is not because I am a lazy bird who hates to break a sweat, who loves night time trash TV and chain smoking its all because I missed a key stage of development because of The War, because my teachers misunderstood me, because I was the only Arab kid in my class, because …. Because… need I go on. My part time Arab status can be a great sheild to hide away from things and yet I know I cant pin this behaviour down exclusively to Arabs, Part Time Arabs or anyone in between however I do notice that the is an added blame factor coming out of our neck of the woods…
I think it is becuase unlike a vast majority of our non Arab counterparts, we can blame really big things like War or being so misunderstood by our parents/society/family members etc… all those people and situations that seem so out of our control…. Its just so comfortable isn’t it, so reassuring that the reason were in a ditch is actually not our fault. Blame it on my cultrure, blame it on the housekeeper, blame it on the education system, the lack of time, too much time... I notice the ease in which we can abdicate any responsibilty for our lives and it freaks me out when i am with my Arab friends who have made moaning and complaining there artform so from now on I have decided to take a stand and try an experiment.
From now on, if anyone goes into a tirad about how unhappy/bored/fed/up/used/abused etc they are... I will ask them the one question I know will allways defrenciate those who want to move to someplace better, more soultions focused and proactive and those who dont. I will ask them the magic words... What do want instead. Intrestingly, I know that this question usaly results in a response about what they DONT want so i repete the question. What do you what instead. By nature, I find the arab side of our culture so keen on a good story, all that wailing, all the tradjady, so not sure what will show up when i ask that question, but going to give it my best shot and will keep you posted on my findings. so my wonderful Part time Me.... what do you want instead?
